A Time for Thanksgiving

Its that time of year again where the holiday spirit is starting to take shape. Turkeys, shades of orange, green and red, and holiday music playing in all the stores. I love this part of the year but for some reason I am just not feeling it this year. I am looking forward to indulging in the food and family but just the hustle and bustle of it all has me in the dumps. Maybe because I am broke this year. I have so much that is going on this holiday season and the only thing that I can think about is waking up Christmas morning in my new home. My girls are looking forward to the season and I am looking forward to seeing their little faces as well. I just hope that it is all under my own roof.

So now that I am living with my mother for the time being I know that I will be up just as long as she is, cooking. I wanted to make my little dish and contribute to the Thanksgiving feast but it looks as if I'll be in there elbow deep tomorrow night. I know that I need to get in the rhythm of doing that anyways because I need to start cooking for my own family for the holidays but DANGIT, I AIN'T FEELING IT THIS YEAR.

I must say that I have so much to be thankful for and I try to hold on to that feeling, but when I think of all the work that is involves, I just think about pulling the covers over my head until someone screams for me to come and eat. I am assuming that the pressures of the house and being exhaustingly (not sure if that is a word or not, but it is perfect for this situation)ready to move have finally taken its toll on me. But in the meantime I will grin and bear it. Happy Thanksgiving!

My 5 most Euphoric things today:
5. One more day of work
4. Gumbo for dinner
3. Thanksgiving dinner
2. Baking a cake for the office, even if half the people here don't like me
1. Preparing to close on my home (keep us in your prayers)

It's Been a Minute

WOW! I'm back...sorry for the 6 month hiatus I took but life happened. What a roller coaster ride I have been on for that time. Not to mention that I forgot my password to log in and then lost my internet access at work and at home. But nevertheless I got it all worked out and I am starting my blog back up.

So much has happened and I have so much that I want to get out. So much that I want to share and other things that I hope no one ecer finds out about. Well, my husband and I shared 5 years of marriage back on June 3rd. Spent some time with the girls in July before the returned to school. Went to a training for my job a month in August, celebrated Brooklyn's 5th birthday in September and spent 6 days in the hospital in October. I did mention that life has been a roller coaster ride, right?

The completion and closing of the house that we have been wrapped up in was postponed a 3rd time to November, so hopefully by the end of the month I will be blogging from my own home. But I must say that I have had some humbling experiences during this waiting period. Brooklyn graduated for Pre-K and was the mistress of ceremonies at her graduation and Gabrielle was crowned defensive player of the year for her basketball team. I must say that I am a proud mommy. Then lupus rared its ugly head and caused me a 5 day six night stay and the luxurious UT Southwestern Medical Center. I have learned that if I want to keep being a proud mommy, wife and soon to be home owner, I am going to have to take those lupus warnings a little more serious and get to the doctor a little sooner.

I've gained some pride in myself and decided that this life is worth living and I have started to live it a little more liberatingly (I know spellcheck is going to eat me up for that one). I cherish the good times more now and I try not to dwell on the bad ones for so long. I have learned to control my emotions a little more since I have been sharing a domain with my parents and learned that I actually can control my temper. My husband and I have a better relationship throughout this experience as well. I sure hope it stays that way because I have gotten use to settling differences a little different since we have an audience now. But through it all I have gained confidence in myself and my willingness to get things done no matter what.

Thanking God is a daily activity and being a smiling face to people that don't really care for me has been a goal as well. Nothing like a great, "Good morning, how are you today?", with a smile big as the sun to start someones day. And the reactions that I have been getting from these people is amazing. Some mornings they return the gesture with a less than friendly smile if they speak at all. But I don't care anymore. I've learned that no matter what you do, everyone is not going to like you and that I have to stop calling everyone my friend. But that it just me, "Friendly Fannie." But to God be the glory for all this that I have, which is sometimes nothing at all.

MY 5 MOST EUPHORIC THINGS TODAY:
5. The month of November, October was a mess
4. The fall, I'm loving the color splash God's creating
3. Health and strength
2. Time
1. Reflection

Dreams

Here lately I have been having the weirdest dreams and the funny thing about it is I can remember them when I wake up. Every aspect of the dream seems to be embedded into my memory. I have started to investigate what it is that my dreams are trying to tell me and was amazed when I started getting into the meaning of my dreams.

On Wednesday night I dreamed that I was in my Mom's neighborhood but at the end of her street was a drop off, a cliff,  is what I kept saying in my dream. It was me and my husband and my brother, Sam and for some reason they wanted me to get something out the alley and I was going to have to go along the cliff's edge to get it. It was really cold outside and it was ice all over the ground especially around the edge of the cliff and like a fool I went around the corner in my snow boots and was hanging on to dear life as I was sliding to the edge of the cliff. Needless to say I fell off the edge into a lake below. I was fine but my back hurt from hitting the water so hard. I checked the meaning of a cliff and this is what I found:

To dream that you or someone falls off a cliff, suggests that you are going through a difficult time and are afraid of what is ahead for you. You fear that you may not be up for the challenge or that you cannot meet the expectations of others.

Then on last night I dreamed that my other brother and I, Keith. were in this strange Alice in Wonderland type land and we were walking around this really plush looking type grass and I could see the head of a really big snake and noticed that Keith was walking on the back of the snake. I guess he had finally broke the skin on the back of the snake because he had on spiked sneakers you could see the meat of the snakes back start to expose. I alerted Keith to what he was doing and by that time the snake started to emerge from its plain sight hiding place and started chasing me. He was so angry and it was either a anaconda or a really big boa constrictor. So I looked up the meaning of snakes and anaconda's and this is what I found:

Anaconda
To see an anaconda in your dream, symbolizes your creativity and potential. This snakes also calls attention to your sexuality and your need to be more in tune with your own sexuality.

Boa Constrictors
To see a boa constrictor in your dream, suggests that you are feeling suffocated or restricted in some personal relationship. Alternatively, it represents repressed sexual urges or hidden enjoyment of sex

Snake
To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality.

These interpretations were a spot on,especially the one about the cliff. I am still struggling with the one about the snake and then I wondered if the characters in my dreams made a difference. I guess all it is really saying is that I have a lot of crap on my mind.

Sweet dreams...

My 5 Euphoric things today:

5. Friday

4. More storms headed my way

3. Crawfish tomorrow

2. Sanity (don't know how long I'll keep that)

1. My niece Kyndal graduating from high school tomorrow (#proudauntie)



Cry Baby

I have always fought my family and friends when they called me a crybaby or waterbag but I have come to realize that I REALLY AM. And I am noticing that as I get older the more I am shedding tears for the simpliest things. The other day my sister (Bridget) sent me a normal forward that I am certain was sent to her. In the text it said that, "if she were to leave this earth today and maybe you didn't know it but I love you and you mean so much to me." It wasn't the wording in general but the fact that I had never thought of something happening to her. I know that she loves me and for the first time I thought about life without her and was moved to tears. She and I have been together since as long as I can remember and to think about life without her hurt me. I had to text her back and tell her not to send me anything sappy again. This caused me to think of my other sister (Lavett) and at that point the water works had been activated. I mean, we don't all spend enough time together like we use to but to know that they are no longer a phone call away really took a toll on me.

From that point on I thought of my friend Tange and Brandi (my roommates from college and ultimate best friends, especially Tange) and even of some close friends that I have now and I couldn't stop the tears. Today I was reading the blog of my sister and saw some wedding photos that I didn't even attend. Who was crying was ME? I was getting on my own nerve. Then I keep telling myself...ok you just completed your female monthly so maybe that is where the tears are coming from but that was last Saturday when that was over. DeMarco and I were together one day and there was something that took place with a stranger, I can't quite remember the details but I do know that I was in tears in the end and Dee was like, "Seriously, you are not over there crying?" I mean it was nothing and I knew that I was being ridiculous for crying but it was nothing that I could do about it.

I tell myself that God just gave me a big ol' heart that is filled with so much, love and compassion and empathy for human kind. This world has become so mean and cruel to each other that I see the better parts of people and some things touch me to tears. Either that or I need shrink. I'm thankful for the passion that he gave me but if I could just stop the tears.

And off the subject:
On my trip to go see Tange, we were sitting around and in her common nosey-ness she found a gray hair in my head and without warning pulled it out. I said NO, because my mother told me if you pull it 5 more will come to its funeral. Well thanks a lot Tange I have several grays now. I think that one that you pulled was the levee for the tears that I had stored up, because since I left I have been a basketcase.

NOW BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED BLOG...
My 5 Euphoric things today:
5. Hump Day
4. A passionate spirit
3. Tears of joy
2. Reminscing
1. Being in my own skin

Letting Go

We as women are always faced with decisions of whether to be submissive or take control. Most women that I know take control because we are those type of women. I hate to see my husband in compromising positions so I try to take control to help out. I am often charged with stepping over my boundaries but sometimes I see no other way. In my vows on my wedding day there was no mention of "obedience." I haven't ever been the submissive type. But I know that in some areas I know that I have to be...I dare to say the word...submissive, but in order for this thing to work, I have to bite the bullet.

I know that in my marriage my husband may have many complaints but depending on me is not one of them. I have always been superwoman. There to save the day when all other options have been exhausted. But at this point in my marriage and in life in general I am ready to retire from the "take charge" position that I have taken from my husband and I am letting go.  This is the hardest thing that I have ever done and I am ready to release this position to him. Am I worried? HELL YEAH!! Will it be a gradual switch? Of course. Will I still have a say? Without a doubt.

My husband seems to think that I have been in control for too long and that I just won't let him be the man in this relationship. Well as of right now I am relinquishing my rights and handing them over to him. I expect business to move as though there was no change and in my unconscious efforts, I will still be in the shadows of my good man in the event that he stumbles. With the grace of God this transition should go off without a hitch.

My 5 Euphoric things today:
5. Jazmin Sullivan station on Pandora
4. Not many clients today
3. Making it to the middle of May
2. DeMarco's smile when I brought him lunch
1. Letting go

Spring Showers

Well today has been the second day for the torrential downpour that we have been receiving here in Dallas. I haven't seen the sun since Monday. Some people want it to end but if it was up to me, and it wouldn't cause flooding I would have it to rain everyday. The air seems so clean afterwards and the world looks purified through my eyes. All the weight of the world just rushing down the street into the storm drain. When its raining outside everyone seems more relaxed and at ease. Maybe due to sleepiness, but at rest just the same.

Work seems to be torture during rainy days. I have no windows in my office but I can hear it tap dancing on the roof, which makes it hard to bear. I just want to run out there and dance in it. Maybe baptize myself all over again. But it'll be my luck that I take a running start and slip and fall in a puddle that’s filled with rain water and motor oil. Sometimes I can find humor in my own clumsiness. I love this time of the year its almost as euphoric as the Indian summers.

I love to take time out and see the small things that make this life all worth it. I enjoyed the rain, picked up my entire family and made it home safely without one person sliding into me or me into them. Nothing breath taking really happened today but the rain was a welcoming sight to this old dry land. I mean that literally and physically.


My 5 Euphoric things today:
5. Lunch for cheap
4. A wet Wednesday
3. Gabrielle's recital this evening
2. Friday Eve
1. The tap dancing rain

The Foundation

Last night my husband and I went by the property where the home is being built that we are buying and saw that they have finally laid the foundation. We were elated to see that it was there. We had been anticipating it for a while and now it was there. The beginning of our new beginnings. We got out the car and did a walk through and tried to imagine where everything would be and the positioning of it all and for the life of us we couldn't tell how they were going to fit the house that we chose on that property. But yet it all stood under our feet with hope of becoming our domain. I walked around the stone and I laid my hands on the pavement, every piece of wood, piping and gravel that I could find. In my heart and in my head I wanted God to exist in the mere dirt of it all.

The foundation meant more to me than just the floor. To me it was a fresh start from a life that has had its share of loops and turns. That foundation to me meant the beginning of my new self, my new marriage and my reinvention of the Kings. The floor that would see and hear us grow together as a family. I thought of the winters that we will spend there and how the landscaping will look through the window covered in snow. I thought of the rainy days and how the rain will sound when it hits the roof and the windows. I prayed that the wood that was laying around would protect us from all evil that walked about. I prayed that the house would hold up to any storm and that my children would be safe here and that it would all come together in his name. I prayed like I was possessed because I had a visual of the future. I don't want anything to go wrong because with no walls at all it all ready feels like home. The smell of the construction in the air would be replaced with the scent of trees and flowers and I was getting excited. Marco and I took pictures next to slabs of wood that had our address on it and everything just seemed so right. Anyone driving past would know that we were moving there because we were snapping pictures like the paparotzzi.

I pray that all goes well with the home that we feel God led us to. My euphoric expectations are all coming together.

My 5 Euphoric things:
5. Forfeited volleyball game (we won our 1st one, thanks for not showing up!)
4. Laughing with Marco (long thighs, you STUPID; inside joke LMAO!)
3. The Foundation
2. Our Foundation
1. Our soon to be new home